Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Postcard From The Biggest Tangent Ever...

What a crummy day!

We all woke up in a bit of a funk today. Gord slept pretty good last night and woke for the day at 7 (which is SO much better than the 5 am habit he was getting in to). The weather was crappy, and it just seemed to be a blugh day.

I worked from home today - lot's of little tedious crap that piles up, and makes you feel like you are working, but not actually accomplishing anything. My 'slow' period is coming up, and I'm not too sure when it actually starts - so I'm not too sure when I should feel it's ok to slow down. I really want to 'hit my number', and I don't think I am going to relax until I know for certain I haven't been completely faking it all year.

Anyhow, enough of that crap!

Gord Gord Gord Gord Gord Gord Gord...

Whoa was he cranky today. So teething!

Ok, I was about to go into some detail about Gord and his cranky teething, but I just had my mind 'blown'!

I really don't want to trivialize this, or mean any disrespect in the slightest, but I can not believe what I just read - if you follow the link, scroll immediately to the bottom of the page and read from the bottom up (in chronological order) before reading the top entry - Click Here.


I'm not sure I can really go anywhere with this postcard following that, so I will leave Gord's crankiness for another day...


Sunday, May 28, 2006

Postcards From The Second Attempt...

Well, after his nap, he was a little upset with me, happy to see mom, but let me re-establish myself as a useful member of this parental unit.

Oh Gordie...

Postcards From A Failure...

Well, I tried... and I suck.

Today Kim had a bridal shower to go to, so I was going to have the afternoon with the boy. Even a week ago, this would not have been possible. Gord has long ago rejected anything but ‘the source’ when it comes to his food. Bottles didn’t work – even with breast milk. However earlier this week, when he started solids, a ‘replacement’ meal became possible.

So, the thought of Kim having to go 45 minutes out of town for a 3 hour shower was, in theory, possible.

She ended up leaving the house around 11:30, during Gord’s nap. He had been fed at 10:30 right before going down. This meant that he would probably want to eat again around 1:30ish.

He woke up from his nap, happy and rested at 12:45 – a good 2 hour nap. We came downstairs where we played in the jumperoo and on his mat. He was in a good mood as 1:30 approached, and it is always a good idea to try and feed him (the solids especially) when he is happy. So, I put him in his high chair and I prepared his meal.

He was still happy as he took his first few bites. “Wow”, I thought, “This is great”. We had plans to go out for a drive, and perhaps the mall afterword, and the plan was on track.

Somewhere between his 4th and 5th bite, it started.

It began with a slight fussiness – a strong desire from Gord to take hold of his spoon.
Then, the head turning, and spitting erupted, which evolved to full out screaming. I tried his water – no relief. Just more screaming.

I then tried warming up his formula, and put that in his sippy cup – continued scraming.

I even tried transferring it to the bottle, but still violent protest.

It is SO incredibly heart breaking to see your child shrill with such despair. His eyebrows turn a bright red, and tears were flowing.

I tried soothing him in my arms, walking about the house, but the only thing that would work temporarily is the spare bedroom. He does not go in there much (if at all) so the new environment was causing a distraction I suppose. This was always short lived however. As soon as I attempted to bring him back down stairs the vocal work out resumed.

This lasted about 45 minutes.

Knowing Kim was 45 minutes away, I debated (very very hard) whether I should call her.

Ya know, it really really sucks. It sucks in a couple of ways. First, and most obvious, it sucks that I can’t take care of my own child. I feel so inadequate, words can’t explain. It sucks that I don’t have the ability, when everything else fails, to simply pop out my boob and make the crying go away. It sucks that as hard as I tried, I simply couldn’t cut it, and had to call Kim and let her know how much I suck – and that she has to leave the party because of my inability to stop my child from crying.

So, Kim should be home any minute. A few minutes after Kim decided to come home, I tried putting Gord down for a nap. It had been an hour and a half, and all this crying I’m sure wiped him out – it took only a few minutes of cheek to cheek soothing before he calmed down, enough to fall asleep.

He’s been sleeping now for about 30 minutes. Enough time for me to document my incompetence, and wait for the ‘real’ parent to come to the rescue…

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Postcards from the spa...

Well, over the last week, Gord has become increasingly fascinated with his new discovery. (And no, it is not his penis). He will be playing with a toy, grabbing something, or just partaking in general flailing, and his hand will pass his face and grab his attention. Whatever he was doing is quickly forgotten and he is mesmerized by this five digit appendage. He will stare intently at his hand, gently waving to himself, or slowly turning it from front to back examining every follicle as though admiring his new manicure. It is quite cute.

The ironic thing is, last week I went out for lunch with a prof at Laurier who has a daughter born two weeks after Gord. We always end up talking about our kids and one thing he mentioned was Madeleine's recent fascination with her hand (I have to give him credit for the 'manicure' analogy). When he asked if Gord was doing this, I had to say 'no'. However, the very next day, it suddenly began. (Kim made a good point - even though Gord is older, she was born 10 days late, while Gord was born 3 weeks early - so I'm sure there are some developmental differences based on that fact).

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(That was Gordo's attempt at blogging by the way).

Monday, May 22, 2006

Postcards from X XXXXX XXXX XX...

Wow, today was quite the day... a BIG FIRST for Gordie...







So, needless to say. IT WAS CRAZY!!!


(Sorry - I had this great post, and 'Kim' started WHINING, claiming SHE wanted to write about it.... so, sorry.)

Postcards From THE Homeowner...

Ok, i've come to terms with a few personal and physical limitations over the last few years... i'll never be able to see the top of my fridge, I'm fine with that (at least I've mastered the top of the counter!)... I'll never be a singer in a band, I'll stick with butchering nursery rhymes (Gord doesn't judge!)... And i'll never have a really cool 'high top' (While I would love to say I came to terms with that one in '92, I still give myself a 'fro' before settling on the day's doo).

...but one thing that has plagued me for years, has been my boyish good looks - well, more particularly, the 'boyish' part. Ever since I was about 8, I haven't looked my age. As time goes on, the gap between my actual age, and apparent age has grown bigger. When I was in grade 9, everyone thought I was a 'visiting' elementary school kid. This became much more of an issue when I was approaching 19. While most of my peers had been out to the 'bars' with either fake id, or utilizing their 'new' facial hair, I had not seen the inside of a bar until my official 19th B-day.

Lately however, as I approach the big '3-0', I have been taking great appreciation in the fact that I barely look 19. A few of the regular 'disbelievers' are those I work with who question the fact that I'm "old enough to be married", then drop their jaws when I tell them I have a son. The more obvious is the beer/liquor stores - the last time I was there, the women was in disbelief as I tried explaining the "89" she saw on my license was actually a "79" - she kept telling me I was only 17!

The most memorable, and by far, most enjoyable incidents have to do with the house. I knew before moving in that the 'door-to-door' canvassers were going to be fun - they haven't let me down.

The bar was set pretty high by the first visitor. We had only been in the house a couple weeks, when at dinner, a knock at the door. Kim must have beat me on the rock-paper-scissors, because she went to the door.

Kim (Opening the door to a 'youthful' looking fella): 'Hi There'

Fella: (Confused)... are you the.... mom?

Me in the kitchen: "Ha ha ha!!!"

Kim: Well, I'm not a 'mom' but I own the house...

Since then, we have had a few great ones with, "Are your parents home?" probably winning with most appearances.

Last night, while Kim and I playing cards with my folks, and Gord in bed, we get a ring of the bell. Kim, being the 'girl' was too afraid to answer the door in the 'dusk', so I was happy to get it, knowing full well I was going to confuse the poor knocker.

I opened the door to a middle aged ruffian with a large selection of art work to promote.

Ruffian: (Again very confused - even using sign language to try and figure this situation out) Are you the (tilting of the head)... homeowner?

Homeowner: Yup!

(Well, so far, pretty innocent - nothing I haven't encountered before)

Ruffian: Oh, ok... (Getting more confused, and more hands gestures and crooked lips)... really?

Homeowner: Yup!!

Ruffian: (His MIND was just blown!) ARE YOU SURE??

Homeowner: Yup! That's what the mortgage says.

The ruffian then, in all his disbelief, tried to promote his artwork. (On a side note, having a kid is awesome for getting out of unwanted sales pitches/telemarketers/etc whether it's the truth, or simply as an excuse). I dropped the "I'm just putting my kid down to bed, so I really don't have any time right now..."

I watched as he literally walked down my driveway with his head shaking...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Postcards of the Boy...

"Who 'Dat?"



Postcards for an Alcoholic...

Happy Birthday Lynds!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Postcards for Jeebus...

Ok, so... big weekend.

First , the firsts... Mother's Day!

It was kimmy's first mommy's day, so of course it was a big deal. After a very very very long night of Gord's restlessness, Kim tried to get a few extra z's. I brought Gord up to her at some point and they had some quality time...

We had a quiet morning. Kim's mom came in Friday so it was nice for Kim to be with her on Mother's Day.

I made them breakfast.

Dave and Tammy showed up and we got ready for...

(Insert Church Organ - Dah Dah Daaaaahhhh)

The Baptism!

Gord was funny. He was pretty tired, so he started fussing after we got into the church, but after a few minutes, he was out. He remained sleeping even while the water was poured over his head - 3 times.

So, Gord was 'washed clean of his ignorance' and touched by Jeebus and his Old Man.

It may be hard to believe by those who know me well now a days, but I at one time was an extremely religious little kid. (That's not to say I'm a devil worshipper, just I have a different view on the whole organized religion thing).

But when I was in kindergarten, and through elementary school, I was quite a fan of the "Big G". I went to catholic school my entire youth, and especially in elementary school there was 'religion class'. During these classes there would be a story usually adapted from the bible, and the teacher would teach the 'moral' of the story. I was always very interested in what she/he had to say, and I remember a few times in particular, wishing the other kids in my class took the message to heart as much as I did.

See, because my folks liked to move around a lot, I was bounced around from school to school. I was a small kid by the time grade 3 came around, and combined with the fact that the 'ladies' of the class thought I was 'cute' and liked me more than the other 'smelly' boys, (hey, these are the facts here, I'm not making this up for shit's and giggles), but long story short, I was picked on a whole lot.

So, back to the 'times in particular'... there was a story about kids picking on other kids and how it is cruel, and that 'God' doesn't like mean people... well, I remember thinking "I wish they would pay attention to this and stop picking on me..."

So, yeah, I was into the whole 'God' and 'Heaven' thing. It wasn't so much heaven, as it was Hell that I paid more attention to. I really didn't want to go there. I tried really hard not to piss of the Man himself.

I remember one time, I was no older than 4, at my cousin's place, my sister, cousin Shawn and I were outside playing the rhyme game "Pill, Will, Fill, Mill... etc". Well, I was set up. My sister choose "Puck". Well, we go around taking turns, "Luck, Tuck, Muck", and my naive response..."Fuck". Suddenly, my sister (who was probably 9), jumped off the ledge we were sitting on, and ran screaming "I'm telling on YOU"... "Mom, Mom Mom"... well, I had NO idea what the hell was going on. My mom came to the door, crouched down, and said, "Steven, God doesn't like it when we say bad words, and what you said was a bad word". Well, it worked. I literally, and I mean LITERALLY, didn't say the "F" word for atleast 10 years after that. And even in highschool, if I did say it, it just felt wrong.

I was SO against the "F" word, that one time, about 5/6 years later, when I was ice fishing with my dad and his friends, I overheard my dad say "bla bla bla FUCK bla bla"... Well, it ruined me. I was depressed the rest of the day, and on our walk home across the frozen bay, I called him on it.
"Dad, I heard you say the "F" word"

He apologized and I can count the number of times on my one hand that I've heard him say it since - and most of those have been as part of jokes.

Another time - as an example of my devotedness to 'Jesus', and as a glimpse into the evilness my sister spewed as a youngin'... She offered to 'Play Jesus'. It sounded like fun, so I said 'Sure'. She's like, 'OK, lie down on the ground and i'll WHIP you". "Ugh, sounds good to me"... so I lied there as she tied a peice of a plastic 'connex' to a string and whipped my back.

So, yeah, I was a religious kid. At some point though, probably around 14, I started thinking for myself. I started having issues with the whole 'Our way or the highway (to HELL)' that the church would spew. I started realizing that there is a lot more to this world than any of us realize, and for someone to boldly claim they know EXACTLY how things are and should be, rubbed me the wrong way. I've since become a fan of budhism - essentially, it's christianity (judaism, Islam etc) but without all the bullshit associated with it.

I have issues believing a lot of the fundamentals that the Church hold as their highest conviction. That's not to say I don't agree with the message. But again, take away the major dogma of Christianity, and all your left with is Buddhism! In short, I think we all have a duty to do what's right, do our best, and treat others as we want to be treated... and those 3 things are going to be the tenets I try and instill upon Gord.

Having said all that. I'm extremely happy that Gord was baptized. I am going to encourage Gord to learn as much as possible about his religion so that when he is old enough, he can decide for himself how he wants to believe.... even if it's in 'God' - my favourite fictional character!


Postcards from the 'Soul' Man...

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Postcards from... a Pearl Jam Fan?

Well, I have one word regarding last night...

I find it quite humorous to think back to five minutes prior to winning these tickets... I was thinking to myself as I listened to the 'new' single (and I quote) "I hate Pearl Jam - they suck now".

You know how you hear these stories of people losing their faith in religion only to have a near death experience and 'see god' again... well, I guess this was a similar experience.

The last few Pearl Jam albums have not only been un-interesting, but they have been completely absent from my cd rack. Since Vitalogy, I have lost my enthusiasm for their music, appreciating only the odd song from each subsequent album. So, when this latest album was released last tuesday, I had no problems passing it over for David Gilmour's latest and Hawksley Workman (the 2 I purchased with the b-day cards).

When the ticket giveaway came around, I even passed that up and only decided to follow through because I ended up knowing the answer (and I'll never turn away from a free concert if I can help it).

Having said all that, after winning the tickets, I went out and purchased the new album. I had noticed in earlier shows, out of 20 songs, PJ played all 13 from their new album, so I wanted to become familiar with them.

First time through the album, my opinion was not changed, but rather reinforced. Pearl Jam had lost the sound that made me fall for them in the beginning. However on the 3rd listen through, it begged for another listen... then another... and another. I love this album! So much so, that I was actually disappointed in it's representation last night.

Now, major disclaimer needed on that last comment. I would have liked to see more from that album as opposed to the 3 songs that I had not recognized from earlier albums I never became familiar with.

Ok, so the concert...

We got there just as the opening act was playing their last song. It was about 8:20 and just like popcorn at the movies, our beer was finished long before the real show was to begin.

8:50, lights down, crowd up, and the opening ambient music present on TEN filled the arena - the band takes the stage. Expecting a new song, I was shocked to hear 'Release'. It was at that moment, I knew we were all in for a great concert.

The next 5 songs consisted of 4 newbies, and a classic 'Hail Hail'. Little did I know that was going to be (with a very small exception) the last we heard of the new self titled album. Song 7 kicked in and I was in heaven - my absolute favourite PJ song - 'Dissident'.

My mouth remained open as I was in awe for the remainder of the show. Following 'Dissident' came 'Evenflow'. This song is great on it's own, but when combined with a 10 minute all out solo/jam, it becomes the greatest live performance ever!

They played on for a total of 19 songs before taking a break - with quite a few long 'jams' that broke out during several songs. Eddie would just leave the stage while the band 'rocked out'. They then returned for 2 encores consisting of 11 songs - that's right - ELEVEN song encore! They had turned the arena lights on as a hint I think for them to get off the stage when 11:30 rolled around.

They played 15 minutes shy of 3 hours. All in all they played 6 additional songs to the previous nights show. And of course, Eddie did say that this night was much better than the first, and schyeahh, I believed him.

The set list:

Set 1
World Wide Suicide
Life Wasted
Severed Hand
Hail Hail
Even Flow
I Am Mine
Low Light
You Are
I Got Id/(Cinnamon Girl)
Better Man
Marker In The Sand
Encore 1
Wasted Reprise
Man Of The Hour
Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town
State Of Love And Trust
Do The Evolution
Encore 2
Crazy Mary
Fuckin' Up
Yellow Ledbetter

So that's that!


Sunday, May 07, 2006

Postcards From A Concerned Parent...

First there was the Sheddon incident... now there appears to be a new crazed ruffian on the loose...

Her victims: Babies

Her weapon of choice: Nail Clippers!

Her 'Handle': The Butcher

Lock up your children, and watch out for the clipper flailing 'mad-mother'.

Stay posted for further developments.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Postcards From The Hardened Coating That Has Been Secreted To Cover A Piece Of Sand That Has Worked Its Way Between An Oyster Shell, Spread...

So, the day started as usual… at 2:15 am with Gordon’s first wake up. It’s the weekend, which means that I’m on call, so off to grab him I went. Sometimes we luck out, and he goes back to sleep until 6 or 7… not today! He was up every hour until his official wake up at 6:10. We both tried really hard to be neglectful parents and just fall back asleep with him between us, but the amazing parents we are, we opted to start our day with Gord.

I had plans to take the boy out on the town while the wife stayed home and did some housework, but that didn’t materialize until a little later than expected.

This kid I tell ya… he KNOWS when you want to do something… Case in point: Last week, Kim decided for the first time in over a month to join up with the ‘mommies’ in her ‘mom’s group’ for the Thursday walk. The plan was to meet at 11 at Springbank Park. Well, knowing Gord’s sleep schedule, this wasn’t going to be a problem. Well, this day in particular the boy decided to take his (not an everyday thing) ‘long’ nap first thing in the morning. 2 and a half hours later he finally woke up just in time for Kim to make it to the park as the “Mom’s” were getting back to their cars!

So yes, today was another example of that. I had planned on taking him with me after his second nap, which today he decided was a good day for a long nap. It wasn’t all that bad, we ended up leaving the house at 2.

Our to do list:

Lawn Mower
Grass Seed
… that’s pretty much it.

BUT, I had planned on going to Canadian Tire, however when I got there, I realized that the store was closed! (It was moving to a new location – doh). So, I had to go to Sears. Ended up getting a good one nonetheless. And I was able to get the grass seed right there too (from the garden center).

It’s so funny to see people react to a baby in public. You can really tell who’s biological clock is ticking away. I pass a couple, and the girl will walk right passed us without batting an eye… but then there are some couples who walk by where the girl is compelled to ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ to the point where if the boyfriend/husband doesn’t look, she get’s pissed. …I like those ones best!

With mother’s day around the corner, I kept asking Gord what he wanted to get ‘mom’ for the big day, but he kept coming up with nuttin’, as though he had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

So… it was getting close to feeding time, so we headed home.

As I pull into the driveway, the radio guy starts talking about the Pearl Jam concert this week in T.O. He was starting to talk about a ticket giveaway, but I shut off the car. Then I realized that I left the sunroof open, so I put the keys back in. I get to hear the rest of this radio guy’s giveaway offer, and he is asking a trivia question… “What was Pearl Jam’s original name – named after a Basketball Player?”. Well, I thought I would give it a shot. You had to be caller number 9.

Digit Digit Digit, Digit Digit Digit Digit… Send – Busy Tone – End.

Send – Busy Tone – End.

Send – Ringing – ‘whao cool’, but was I going to be #9?

Ringing, Ringing, Ringing… Hello FM96?

Me: Yeah, I’m looking to be caller # 9…

Radio Guy: Who am I talking with?

Me – (Inner dialogue – SWEET!!): Steve

Radio Guy: What are you up to today Steve?

Me: Just doing some yard work.

Radio Guy: Yeah, it sure is a great day out there isn’t it?

Me: Yup.

Radio Guy: So, Steve, have you ever seen Pearl Jam before?

Me: Yup

Radio Guy: Oh, when was that?

Me: Back at Molson Park, when it was Molson Park.

Radio Guy: Wow, that was a long time ago, so you would be good to go for Wednesday night then…

Me: Yup

Radio Guy: So, what was Pearl Jam’s original name? Who were they named after?

Me: Well, it was number 10, and that’s why they have the album ‘TEN’… Mookie Blalock!

Radio Guy: Wow, and some extra info too! Congrat’s your going to see Pearl Jam!

Me: Fantastic!

So, yay for me!!! I’m going to see Pearl Jam on Wednesday. I didn’t even know they were playing. . .

I immediately grabbed Kim who was inside the house. (I was in the car this whole time), and I got her to sit in the car as I’m confirming my info, so she could hear my winning conversation played on the radio (as it was going to be played at the end of the next song).

She's happy, but jealous... she is unwilling on trying to pass Gord off on my sister, so she is not able to go. Gord, you owe Mom Pearl Jam tickets!

So, I called my sister who was more than willing on passing off her kid on Kim for the night.

So, that’s that… I’m going to see Pearl Jam. Kim is a great Mom…and Gord is in an odd habit of waking up every night 45 minutes after he goes down – as he did at 8pm tonight while writing this (and every night previous for the last few weeks).


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Postcard To Gordon - Month 5

Oh Gordie, when will you cease being so cute!!!

I remember the first month, or for that matter, the first week and time seemed to stand still. Now, I can't believe you're 5 months old. I completely understand where other parents (including your grandparents) are coming from when they say their kids go from diapers to dating, to babies of their own before they know it.

I'm very conscious of this fact. I've always been a fan of the 'mental photo album', and lately I've been trying to hold on to the great moments I have with you. I found myself the other day while holding you in my arms and you clinging to my neck and shoulder, experiencing complete bliss. I have experienced joy and happiness before, but this one time in particular everything was perfect. Not because of our physical location, not because of the events leading up to that moment, or what was happening in the world around us, but because I had everything I wanted. You. I've always tried to 'appreciate the moment' but this was the first time I actually came through with that tenet. Oh Gord... you inspiring little monkey!

Enough of that... I want to make note of a few things that your mother and I have noticed in the last month or so...

For starters, boy are you serious! Hence, the nickname - Serious Gord. You go from dead-pan-face serious, to hysterical laughter, and snap right back into that poker face of yours. So cute.

Just today we predicted a trait that will last long into your senior years... Gord, as you read this, think real hard... now did you just reach back, elbow straight up in the air, and scratch the crown of your head?? I bet you did! As cute as it is now, you unfortunately insist on scratching yourself to the point of breaking the skin... this part I hope will discontinue shortly. The head scratching while deep in thought part though is sure cute.

In this last month, you've become quite ticklish on your back and arms. It's a little forced, but when I need a laugh fix, that's where I go... again, so cute!

I can't forget to mention that in this 5th month of life... you rolled over! I know this isn't going to be such a huge feat when you are 17, but boy oh boy, were your mother and I ever proud! An honorable mention is you grabbing your feet, and you almost being able to put your soother back in the 'proper' way.

I love our nighttime routing. I love the time we spend while waiting for your bath. We talk, and though neither of us can understand what the other is saying, we listen to each other. I hope this never changes. I hope you realize that at times it may appear I have no idea what you are talking about, but know that I will always listen.

I love you Gordon, and you continue to blow my mind.