Postcards From The First Day Of The Rest Of His Life...

Well, today was the first day. Gordo's BIG day!

... Day care!

Kim started working on Monday. That was hard for her. One because we didn't get in from Sudbury until after midnight, but also for the more obvious reason. Kim had probably had not been away from Gordie more than 8 hours cumulative in the last 8 months - now she had to go 8 hours straight without seeing him - this was a first.

She handled it very well, and only teared up a little as she got into the car and we drove away. Luckily kim's mom was/is here for the week so we knew he was in good hands.

Today was a different story however.

Today being the first of 3 half days, we had to drop him off for 9am. Kim was a little choked up before, during, and after the drop off, but I felt very good about the whole ordeal. Partly because I needed to convince Kim that we were doing the right thing, but also because I truly believed that this was a more positive situation for Gord than being stuck at home all day. In day care, he can learn social behaviours, have access to a variety of activities and toys, and learn some new tricks, ie sitting up on his own, crawling, etc.

I left today feeling very good about it all.

That's not how I feel anymore.

I picked him up at noon today and by the time I got Gord to the car I had that feeling. A very sinking feeling. I was very happy to see him, but I couldn't help but feel incredibly sad at what I saw when I went in.

At first glance, it was very harmless (and in all reality IS very harmless, but just let me have my moment). I walked in to the infant room and saw some babies walking around and crawling. The care givers were there, we said 'Hello' and I instantly asked how Gord was.

"Good" they said, "He's just sitting by the window."

I turned the corner to see the room full of kiddies playing, and there was my sweet little Gordie, back facing me, propped up in a seat looking out the window - alone.

I was so happy to see him I didn't really think anything of it. By the time I got to the car however, I wanted to cry.

Up to that point, I had this vision of Gord laughing, playing and having a grand 'ol time. But when I saw him staring out that window (the window I drove by just moments earlier) all by himself, the reality of what we were doing hit me. We are leaving him with strangers who could never, ever love him as much as we do. They are being paid to make sure he eats, sleeps and stays relatively safe.

I can't get that image out of my mind. I haven't shared this with Kim yet as I don't want to upset her (and at the rate of my 'posting postcards' I don't think she bothers to check this anymore). But yeah, the more the day progresses, the more disheartened I am about the whole day care thing.

I know this is a typical emotion that parents go through, but as I said, I was 100% for him being there so I wasn't really prepared for this.

So yeah, there ya go. I'm going to go give Gord a big hug...

Cheers.