Postcards From A Failure...

Well, I tried... and I suck.

Today Kim had a bridal shower to go to, so I was going to have the afternoon with the boy. Even a week ago, this would not have been possible. Gord has long ago rejected anything but ‘the source’ when it comes to his food. Bottles didn’t work – even with breast milk. However earlier this week, when he started solids, a ‘replacement’ meal became possible.

So, the thought of Kim having to go 45 minutes out of town for a 3 hour shower was, in theory, possible.

She ended up leaving the house around 11:30, during Gord’s nap. He had been fed at 10:30 right before going down. This meant that he would probably want to eat again around 1:30ish.

He woke up from his nap, happy and rested at 12:45 – a good 2 hour nap. We came downstairs where we played in the jumperoo and on his mat. He was in a good mood as 1:30 approached, and it is always a good idea to try and feed him (the solids especially) when he is happy. So, I put him in his high chair and I prepared his meal.

He was still happy as he took his first few bites. “Wow”, I thought, “This is great”. We had plans to go out for a drive, and perhaps the mall afterword, and the plan was on track.

Somewhere between his 4th and 5th bite, it started.

It began with a slight fussiness – a strong desire from Gord to take hold of his spoon.
Then, the head turning, and spitting erupted, which evolved to full out screaming. I tried his water – no relief. Just more screaming.

I then tried warming up his formula, and put that in his sippy cup – continued scraming.

I even tried transferring it to the bottle, but still violent protest.

It is SO incredibly heart breaking to see your child shrill with such despair. His eyebrows turn a bright red, and tears were flowing.

I tried soothing him in my arms, walking about the house, but the only thing that would work temporarily is the spare bedroom. He does not go in there much (if at all) so the new environment was causing a distraction I suppose. This was always short lived however. As soon as I attempted to bring him back down stairs the vocal work out resumed.

This lasted about 45 minutes.

Knowing Kim was 45 minutes away, I debated (very very hard) whether I should call her.

Ya know, it really really sucks. It sucks in a couple of ways. First, and most obvious, it sucks that I can’t take care of my own child. I feel so inadequate, words can’t explain. It sucks that I don’t have the ability, when everything else fails, to simply pop out my boob and make the crying go away. It sucks that as hard as I tried, I simply couldn’t cut it, and had to call Kim and let her know how much I suck – and that she has to leave the party because of my inability to stop my child from crying.

So, Kim should be home any minute. A few minutes after Kim decided to come home, I tried putting Gord down for a nap. It had been an hour and a half, and all this crying I’m sure wiped him out – it took only a few minutes of cheek to cheek soothing before he calmed down, enough to fall asleep.

He’s been sleeping now for about 30 minutes. Enough time for me to document my incompetence, and wait for the ‘real’ parent to come to the rescue…